I just finished telling you how clever I am and now I have to reverse my declaration and admit what we knew all along -- I'm not so clever after all.
The cold had become unbearable so I requested that the HVAC techs from the office go to the house today to either
a) show Neil how to use the heat (everyone kept telling me that our wall A/C units also produce heat, which we could not make them do)
b) clean/fix the unit so it produces heat
c) bring a space heater
Well, they chose option a). Turns out the wall A/C units DO produce heat. This is so silly and embarrassing -- everyone kept telling me that there is a little LCD symbol of a sun on the remote control to indicate the heat setting. I kept insisting that we only had a vague fan-looking icon or a distinctly frosty snowflake for A/C.
Well, it turns out there is a mysterious third option that in our near-hibernative state of cold-induced brain function, we literally did not see.
The remote control FLIPS OPEN. !!! And inside are the heat settings. Who'd a thunk?
You'd better believe I'm sleeping sans scarf tonight.