Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The Day I Went Back to Work

The day I went back to work.

Monday, May 17.


I took this picture of Nile before I woke her up to feed her.

One day shy of eight weeks old. Eight Tuesdays ago, this beautiful, sweet little creature joined my life.

I cried before I left.

Neil said, "It's just change.
"It's not bad. It's just change."

When I got to work I thought I would be OK.

Then two of my coworkers came to my desk to welcome me back and ask how I was doing; if I missed Nile.

I said, "Well, I was doing OK, and then I sat down here and I see her looking at me."

I gestured toward the door facing me, where in my all-male office they had printed a color picture of baby Nile from the announcement I e-mailed and taped it to the front door of our office suite.

I gestured toward the picture and a twinge of extreme sadness stabbed through my heart and down into my stomach.

All the feelings of separation anxiety I've ever felt came stinging back to me:

Elementary school in Md. while my mommy and home were still in Va.
Every time I broke up with Chris.
Leaving HI to move back to Va. after college.

But in the moment that I gestured and felt that sadness, right when I thought I would end up taking the picture down to avoid tearing up every time I saw it ...

I decided in that instant that instead of the picture reminding me of what I was missing, the picture would be Nile there with me.

So I said, "well, I was doing OK, and then I sat down here and I see her looking at me.
"So it's not so bad."

The guys laughed and went on.

I went on with my day, and the day after that, and it's not so bad. It's just change.


(Then yesterday I read this, which was very timely but also made me teary-eyed again.)

6 comments:

AJ said...

You can do it!!

the mom said...

Mommy is still in VA but I have you in my heart ALWAYS no matter where you are. I couldn't be prouder of you. Missing one's child doesn't get easier it just changes too.
WELL DONE, MOMMY MEGAN!!!

Brianna and Byron Putnam said...

Meg, you are amazing! She looks so sweet in that picture:)

modestmuse said...

Aww, thanks ladies. Love you all!

Bfiles said...

As a working mom, I can say it definitely gets easier. hang in there.

Taralyn said...

You're amazing. I know the feeling. I just remind myself that my children and husband are happy. We just do things a little bit differently that's all.